Welcome To My Life

back from my duty...but real tired,but felt like blogging so here goes...
i was thinking lots.it was the school hols so how on earth was i to give her birthday gift to her?i thought and thought.my chance soon came out of nowhere.it was to be at the Majestia concert.for all those who don't know whats that,its an annual concert by the school band to be held in school.i had hit upon an idea.i would bring the present to school and pass it to her classmate so as to reach her before the 29th.
time flew by.it was almost 2wks after i had given my present for her.i had almost lost hope.i had tried getting her to talk perhaps a million and one times.it begin to daunt upon me that i was just craving after a lost cause.it would never return.forever.what the heck,i had already lived on my own for the past half a year.i begin to seriously contemplate living for myself.for the first time in a yr,i started finding joy in doing things just for myself....A's came and went...
...Fast forward to 2003 Dec 21,looking back,i guessed it took me really long to forget her.it was pain but i have to admit it was sweet while it lasted.well,what would you expect if i told you this was my first girlfriend.even though it didn't quite turn out as i would have love it to be,i thank you gal (if you are reading this).it was you who thought me what love was.it was you from whom i derived the meaning of sacrifice.as you wanted to keep the relationship under wraps at that time,even till now,people are still asking me whether we were really together.i m sure you would agree.sorry if i had hurt you but i m glad you have now found someone to share your life with.
and to all the folks reading this,this's the end of the journey back in time.will from now on just start writing on the present issues.
i just have to lament about my state.its almost X'mas and i haven sent out any X'mas cards nor bought any gifts at all.i simply just have got no time for shopping.and when i do go shopping like 2 days ago,i was simply stuck.i must be the worst friend on earth.i simply had no idea of what to get for any of my best pals.its sunday tmr.hope to hit upon something before tmr arrives..here goes till another time when i'll continue blogging...

posted by Boring old me @ 12/20/2003 07:12:00 PM 0 comments

yeah...here i m on a thur nite doing duty but thought i would pop over and continue with my story...
from what i heard from the person who went out with her on Vday,she was extremely touched to the point of tears.but after having a talk with her the very next day in school,she was adamant that she would not give me a second chance.she claimed i had already used up my quota of chances.i was disappointed but vowed to continue.
soon it was 29th May.a yr has come and gone ever since we celebrated at Pasir Ris NTUC chalet exactly a yr back.a yr is short.365 days.but yet it seemed that so much have happened in this very yr.i have experienced both the highs and lows of love.it can be very blissful and yet it can hurt so much.just exactly like a double edged sword.i had already decided what i wanted to give her a few mths back.it was to be a jigsaw puzzle.1000 piece.i spent many a night poring over each piece,painstakingly placing piece by piece into the product of love.it was only this word love that continued to drive me to complete it.it was normally after a day of school,training and studying in school that i would embark on a night of fiddling with the pieces.oh boy,it was shagged.but to do that for the lady that i love,or loved for that matter now was worth it.coming now,i think i would still do it if i meet a lady that i love now.lets not drift,i wish to add that sfter weeks and perhaps months of late nights,i finally put the final piece in about a week before her birthday.i had already gotten a suitable frame a few days back.Carefully,i placed the complete piece in to the frame.Completed!it looked great...again next time...gotta return to the office for last parade...

posted by Boring old me @ 12/18/2003 10:25:00 PM 0 comments

hi to whoever's reading out there...i m back again...i thought i could begin to lead a new life.guess it was about time too,what with the retests coming up in the very first week of jan,i certainly didn't have much time to think about such things.but each time i picked up my notes,my mind would drift off.this was too much for me to handle.i couldn't concentrate at all.not with all this on my mind i thought.its a pity my birthday came so soon after that fateful day.it was the 29th.i tried getting her to come out.what a difference a few days made.this was no longer the sweet,petite and thoughtful girl that i once knew.she had forgotten my birthday.or so she claimed.this was a blow.it was as if my heart smashed into pieces when i heard that.she was the only person i wanted to celebrate with.not my buddy.not my close friends.and not even my beloved family.i shut myself into my room.in total darkness.i tried drinking.you know,in the movies or serials,they call it drowning your sorrows?i tried that.but i could not.till now,i can't take beer.vodka,tequila or whisky anytime.hM...but certainly not beer.so i just turned on some music and lay on my bed,oblivious to the world.the next thing i knew,it was morning.my birthday had passed just like that.what the heck is a birthday if your beloved just left a few days before??
soon school reopened.the feeling was totally weird.there was no person to look forward to meeting just before assembly.no one to look to during breaks.and certainly no one to go out with after school.before the end of the first day,some of my friends and even her friends had asked me what was going on.such was the impact even though i was having my retest the whole day.i din know people actually observed that much.i admitted that we had ermm...broke up.i din want to give her any pressure so i pretended i din care much in her presence.but behind her back,i still cared.
the days came and went.it was soon valentine's day.i may not have mentioned earlier but i joined the school's soccer team precisely because of her.i wanted no comparison with her.she was the school's badminton captain.i needed to be somebody to match her.but thats not the point.i had prepared something for her on this special day.i had spent my nights,tired after all the trainings and studying in the earlier part of the night making it for her.this was to be my 2nd last gift ever to her.it was 365wire roses.this was yet another time i had made it for her.you the reader must be wondering why the number 365 right?there are 365 days in a year.each rose represented a day i spend thinking of her.ie to signify me thinking of her 365 days in a year.again you must be wondering how i came up with this gift.i had given to her a few times before and i could tell she really liked it very much.i tried asking her out for a meal that Vday.she still refused.she went out with another person.but thank goodness it was a girl instead....shall continue again later...don't go away wor...

posted by Boring old me @ 12/14/2003 08:57:00 PM 0 comments

...first paper to be released if i remembered correctly was GP n followed by physics or something.i knew that for me to get to the next year,i needed at least an A'Level pass overall and 2 O'Level passes.well,that was the barest minimum.i thought realistically was those could either come from either physics which i had already passed in mid year's or Maths which was my pet subject.i needed a 50 for physics to hit 50 overall and a 59 for maths to reach a 50 overall.this was the mess in which i had gotten myself into after getting involved in a relationship.there came the bombshell.i din quite make it for physics.i only managed a 46,which meant a 48% overall.my future was to be decided with the release of the Maths C paper.As fate would have it,the results were to be released only after the second break.i was a nervous wreck during both breaks.i sought her solace.she was a huge help.before the Maths paper,the Maths tutor was joking with me,something to the extent that if only i had studied harder for the mid yr's.when he finally gave out MY paper,he announced to the whole class that i had the biggest improvement in the class.my results were a 74% making it an overall 64 %.i had done it! *sigh* to most of u reading this,i know 74% is no big deal.i also think so,but my mid year results for maths was a mediocre 30 %.from an "F" grade to almost an "A"??no wonder the then maths tutor thought i deserved a special mention.i needed only an O'Level pass in either Chem or Econs next.but this was the minimum one needed to get through the promos.i thought it was very difficult.WHY??after the promos i asked myself.WHY??why was i,single digit at O's,now just struggling to keep pace with my peers??based on my O's,if i had just gone on with the flow of school work,followed the lessons and did the tutorials which i had not done ever in yr 1,i was a scholarship potential.i begin to regret.they all say REGRET is the worst thing that can happen to someone.time does not wait for anyone.you can't buy back time no matter how rich you are. "time and tide waits for no man" how true this statement suddenly seems.the same kind of regret which filled my heart come 24 Dec when we broke up.i'll talk about that later in another blog.but coming back,i knew i had disappointed my family.my parents who had so much high hopes on me after the O's.i must say a yr is a short time.but i had crumbled dramatically from a high to a low.a new low.i was devastated.i knew things had to change.i was in this boat all because of myself.i could not handle both being in love and my studies at the same time.i know lots of couples who while dating have done really well in the exams.what was the difference i thought??Discipline.discipline came to my mind.i swore i wanted to change.i wanted to rise from the ashes.i begin to make plans.but seeing my peers with their results hurt me.some of these people had actually done worse than me at O's.what in the world went through my mind i din know.i was just waiting for school to end to look for my darling.i needed someone close to talk to.someone whom i know would make me feel better even if she din say a word.i would feel better just by being with her.such was the effect of her on me at that time...
hols soon came and for her,she got a job.me?i slacked around at home,meeting her perhaps only on alternate days because she was tired after her work.days flew by quickly.something was to change by dramatically after she got a job.or was it my fault?i begin to feel at ease everytime she told me she was going out.after being pursued further,she would each time tell me it was a guy she was going out with.well,at least she was being honest there.my possessive nature would then take control of the situation.i would next be unhappy and we would quarrel.not that kind of violent quarrels one would imagine but just the cold war kind.and it was always me who gave in.then came the last straw.it was 24Dec.this would seem like a normal day.but it was X'mas Eve.and guess what?i was not going to spend it with my girlfriend.what has the world turned into?she was instead going to spend it with another guy.alone.A GUY?now thats ridiculous.there's no way i was going to stomach this.i of course kicked up a fuss.but deep inside i still wanted to see her and wanted to talked to her.AND i had prepared some gifts for her too.she told me she was going out in the afternoon so i figured she could be home anytime around dinner time onwards.i waited at her void deck from 6+pm onwards.i wanted to surprise her.7pm came.8,9,10 and 11pm soon came.there was still no sight of her.all this time,all i had for company was the "Snake" game from my Nokia 8250.all this was not to be in vain come around 1130pm.i saw 2 figures walking in a distance.she was one of them.the other was,ermm...a guy.the guy had actually sent her all the way home.she din see me initially.till i showed up in front of her.she was shocked.she looked sorry.then sensing she could still turn it to her advantage,she told the guy to leave first.she next turned around and walked towards the lift.there was no way i could let her go without even saying much to her after waiting for almost 5hrs.i stopped her.tried to gave her the gifts.she tried to resist and the gifts hit the ground.my heart sank when the flowers hit the ground.i had given her a dozen blue roses.i had to endure the stares of onlookers from the moment i had left the florist.the gifts which i was going to give her were on the ground.the lift door opened and she stepped in.i recovered from my shock at her refusal to accept the gifts to force the lift door open.i left the gift on the floor and then sadly departed the scene.it was 1145pm.Had she strayed? What was going to become of our relationship?it was too late to take the MRT.i also was not in any mood to take the MRT or bus.i only wanted to get home as quickly as possible.i felt so lost.my mind was a whirl.in the taxi,i called my buddy.he was watching some "jacky Wu" show on CH8 and said he would call me once it ended at 1am.i cried.not your usual bucket of tears so should i say weeped?now even my bestest pal was going to ignore me.what had the world turned to?to my pal's credit,he called me back soon after.he had sensed that something had gone wrong as my voice was quivering while i spoke to him.we had a long talk in the cab.he had lots of words for me.
at home,i thought about it the whole night.the past just flickered in front of me.what had gone wrong to cause such a huge change.i tossed on my bed and stared in the air.the times we spent together taking walks in school.the times we spent in town.the times we spent studying together.i decided to try talk to her.it must have been almost 4 when i fell asleep.
she avoided talking to me the next few times i called her.after a few weeks of unsuccessful try,it begin to daunt to me that the relationship was on the rocks.it meant only one thing-it was a silent break.i guess this was what people were always talking about when they meant a silent break.i always thought this was the worse way to end a relationship.i certainly din want that to happen to mine.but there was nothing i could do except try to talk to her....well,the things i did wasn't anyone could imagine will come on my next entry... ...till then...

posted by Boring old me @ 12/13/2003 05:37:00 PM 2 comments

....we walked around aimlessly in town.she was tired but somehow she din want to go home.we bought our favourite drinks-Quickly Bubble Tea from Lucky Plaza.they had a stamp for every drink we had.we had collected almost 90 stamps in that short time.we always had to had that drink at least once when we were in town such was the desire n craze for it at that time.seeing that she was tired,i decided to find a place for us to chat n rest.somehow our legs took us to e 7th floor of Wisma Atria.one would not pass by that area unless u parked at the multi storey carpark.we talked.then we had alittle fun.or should i say,she was up to some mischief.she tried walking on my feet.meaning she stood on my feet,her left feet onto mine,n her right on mine.n i was to walk.walk across the small area without her falling.even though it may seem stupid to whoever's reading this,it does not since at that time all that mattered to me was spending quality time with her.after awhile of laughing heartily with her,i kissed her.i also still can't remember how it came about.we were talking with our face close to each other n i just leaned over n kissed her cheeks.she din pull away or look shocked.in fact it was i who pulled away,seeing how stupid i felt.i was shy.but it was still a kiss nevertheless.after that,we continued talking as if nothing had happened.we seemed to have so much to talk about even though we chat on the phone at every other moment and go out so so often.but i guess thats the way it seems when u r in love.u can never get enough of each other.
time soon flew by and it was time to face the music.to face the consequence of my bad start in the mid yr exams.i never knew the mid year exams would have such a great bearing on my future.30%.the figure loomed bigger as the day of the release of results drew closer.i wished i had never waited till last minute.i had already met the principal in her uncompromising office once after the mid yr's.i din want to go begging for a chance to promote come the release of the promo results.
i was a nervous wreck to say the least on the day of release.it was she who kept encouraging me that we will go on to JC 2 together...
The Release Of The Results n thereafter... ...till next time

posted by Boring old me @ 12/11/2003 11:54:00 PM 0 comments

the next time we went to sch,i tink it was the following mon,we arranged to meet at the lockers outside the library before school started.somehow,i always had this habit of meeting her before school started and we would then go down for assembly together.we had wanted to keep this relationship low profile.but it din matter to either both sides of our friends.in their eyes,we were already a couple long ago.as such,i only told my buddy that we were already an official item.he was not supposed to breathe a word to anyone.life in school went by fast and furious.i thought she was the principal reason why vjc was so bearable at that time.and because exams had ended,we went out on most days after schools.till college day.we had an unwritten and non-verbal agreement that we were to adjourn for lunch once the whole day's program had ended.somehow while i was waiting in the canteen for her to get changed,she rushed over and told me that she was having lunch with her CCA friends.i pretended i didn't mind and said i would go home instead.sensing that nothing was amiss,she proceeded with her plans.i had a talk with my buddy.i learnt an important lesson.i'll remember this for as long as i live."Never be too possessive with your partner" he had told me that even though we were already attached,she was still entitled to go out with her friends.i thought about it,till now,those words still fill my heart.i agreed.he told me that he would be going out with people from his own CCA group,hence could not have lunch together.i tried looking for my other group of VS friends.i realised one thing,i was no longer as close to them as the good old days in VS.they all had left me alone while i was busy trying to woo HER.i din mind.i was left to rue this decision come the near future.i used to think that as long as i was happy with her,that was all that really mattered.i decided to take the MRT train.i boarded at Paya Lebar MRT station and proceeded eastwards.i just wanted to will my time away on the train.i thought of taking all the way to Pasir Ris and then returning to my homestop in Paya Lebar.i wish to add that something caused me to alight at Tampines instead.A huge advertisement caught my eye as i climbed down the stairs of the station.it was Perlini's Silver.i knew what i wanted.i wanted to get her a gift.i walked over to Tampines Mall,scouted around in Perlini's Silver.i soon found what i wanted.it was a heart shaped pendant.even though,it din seem that expensive,i promise now i'll get a one from those more reputable to the ONE in future.i continued walking around aimlessly.i soon came across this shop "Precious Tots" i recalled she had liked those Beanie stuff toys when we had gone shopping once.i used to remark that it was not worth it.almost $10 for one.i went over to the counter and bought one after much deliberation.feeling a sense of accomplishment,i strode off,intending to give these gifts to her the following mon.
once safely in the MRT train on the return journey,she called me.i mean,erm...SHE CALLED ME!!she wanted to meet because she was feeling bored whilst her friends were playing pool or LAN.my heart almost flew out of my body.of course i was going to meet.we met in Orchard.all of a sudden,i realised i hadn't had lunch yet.we went to Far East for lunch.i still remembered what i had.i had clay pot chicken rice.it begin to daunt to me that it was a mistake to meet her.i noticed her tiredness after a busy whole day.i felt sorry to see her looking so haggard and tired.after lunch,i surprised her with the gifts and even put on the necklace for her.she was really pleased.we walked around after that... ...

posted by Boring old me @ 12/11/2003 07:02:00 PM 0 comments

the very next day,we met at our usual place-at paya lebar MRT.we met in e afternoon.she said she had a surprise for mi.she wanted to use e scented candles we can bought e prev day.we travelled all e way down to cityhall.i had guessed that she was to bring mi to Sky Garden in suntec.she played a trick on mi.we alighted at cityhall,went all e way up to e gates of e station n U-turned.so it wasn't sky garden i tot.e nxt ting i knew,we were already at Marina Bay.this place was virgin territory to mi.in fact,i had nv set foot on this place.not ever.this was to b my first time.a move that wud change not my destiny but my outlook on love for e future.we went off by the beach,sitting down and enjoying the sea breeze.by this time,it was almost sunset.e scenery of Sheares Bridge in the distance was awesome.i could remember every detail.soon darkness fell.it was real dark with only the lighted city skyline in the distance.i started to light the candles.i arranged it in such a way it enclosed the both of us in a circle.slowly,we munched on e titbits n drinks that we have brought along.after awhile,i brought up a candle n told her this,"blow off the flames if u agree to be my girlfriend." she was shocked,flabbergasted to say the least.she din say no.but she also din say yes.i wasn't discouraged.we continued talking.but after 15mins or so,i tried e same thing.again,the same thing happened.she din say yes nor no.i was slightly discouraged.i tot it was not to be.i guessed GOD mus have been touched by my preseverance.i popped the question for the final time.but alas,this time i was scalded by the hot wax from the candle.this time i think she was touched.real touched.instantly,she blew off the flame from the candle.i was shocked because that plunged the place into darkness.but she was beaming n smiling at the same time.i asked,"so does this mean...??"
she nodded.but at the same time,my hand was still painful from the scald.i used the Chrysathemum Tea we were drinking to cool the wound.in spite of the pain,i was the happiest man in the world to say the least.this was to be my first relationship.i asked to hold her hands.i was put off by her ans.my hands were sticky from the usage of soft drinks to cool the wound.
i scouted around for a tap.we soon found one at the Steamboat buffet place there.it cost 20 cents just to wash hands.but at that time even if it cost 10,100 times more than that amt i would still agree to pay.
she offered her hands to mi after i re-emerged from the Gents.we were finally a couple.finally.life would never be the same again i thought...
continue again on life after being together again soon...

posted by Boring old me @ 12/09/2003 09:29:00 PM 0 comments